My Basis Of Comparison
by BowlofCereal
Summary: I hate Jareth so it's no surprise when I begin slapping him around demanding he give my brother back that I threaten him to no end. Rated for language. Spin off of what could happen in the Tunnel before the cleaners! Read and Enjoy.


My Basis Of Comparison

Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth. :) So this Sarah going through the tunnels when Jareth runs into them and asks how she likes the labyrinth. Only this is what could have happened in a strange demeanted world. Meant to be funny and it's a one shot. I have begun putting copyright notes on my stories - even though I don't own Labyrinth - I own this spin off. I rather someone NOT try stealing it as their own.

Peace love and Gap

_Copyright © 2010 Belle Femme_

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I hate Jareth.

I hate this tunnel for many good reasons, it stinks, it is very dark with little light and oh yeah it's creepy! How did I get myself into this mess? Oh yeah that's right - I wished my brother away. [Sigh]. Even this little thing walking infront of me, leading me deeper into this rathole thinks it's my fault. Even though he won't say it. I wish he would, I'm dying to just hit someone! Namely Jareth.

I don't know how long I've been down here but I don't like it, incase you can't tell.

You see when Jareth first appeared in Toby's room, I thought somehow someone slipped me some crack. I mean come on, who showers a room with glitter - unless your David Bowie...then it's perfectly okay..but he isn't! He's a strange blond haired man who wears tight trousers that leave little to the imagination. _Little_ I tell you. When he stood there all high and mighty telling me that he done me a favor by kidnapping my brother, I could have strangled him....had I not still been in shock. And then creepy laughter all around me? Just what the fuck was he playing at?

He wouldn't listen to my mindless begging so here I am running this damn labyrinth in thirteen hours or less to get my brother back. Isn't life just so peachy? With roses on top!

"Hoggle," my head was beggining to hurt very badly. This troll isn't even listening to me. "Hoggle." Still he just kept on going. Can you say once we get out of here, he's a dead troll? I know I can.

A rolling sound filled my ears, I look toward my feet and stop, watching the crystal ball roll. Oh damn this can't be good. Hoggle finally notices it too and sighs, I guess he realizes it as well.

"Ahh what do we have here?"

Following that voice, I wish I hadn't. What looked to be another goblin, a long beak and dark eyes, smell gross hair and rags for clothing. I'm glad I don't live here - I'd refuse to wear dirty clothes. Besides jeans and loose shirts are very stylish and comfy.

"Nothing."

Thank you Hoggle for stuttering. I cross my arms almost mockingly, wondering who this goblin thinks he is. And he stands, oh shit, back away Sarah! Back away.

"Nothing? NOTHING!?" And he comes toward us - back away more Sarah! Without much effort throws that disguise, I'm guessing it was over his shoulder and Jareth is revealed to be here. "Nothing. Tra la la."

L.O.L, I can't help but be amused, but put on a frightened face. I'll beat him and his Labyrinth yet. Then I'll rub it in his face! He begins getting a bit rough with Hoggle, threatening him with some bog of eternal stench - oh yeah he goes there. That's when I begin thinking to myself, he wasn't such an arrogant son of a bitch, he'd be pretty cute. Oh my god, SARAH, stop thinking like that! He has your brother! I glower as he walks toward me.

"And you Sarah, how are you enjoying my labyrinth?" A bemused look plastering itself over his face. I want to slap him so bad it isn't funny. I want to tell him where he can shove it - but I keep my cool and purse my lips. He can't beat me. He just can't. But I do grow tiresome of stinky dark tunnels with no obvious way out. Maybe I should I deflate his ego. A grin spreading across my usually soft features.

"It's a piece of cake."

Hoggle rolls his eyes. Jareth's smirk widens, what did I say? I just wanted to deflate that flaky ego of his! Why didn't that work?

"Really then how about we up the stakes a little."His voice dripping with bitterness and without hesitation a clock appears. My heart falls, oh fuck no he isn't! But he does regardless, with a stroke of his long finger, he takes time off my thirteen hours! The anger boils deep in my stomach and I've just about had it.

"That's NOT fair!" I glower once more at him, crossing my arms and stomping my foot - childish I know, but dang he gets under my skin. Who does this? What kind of person is he? Don't answer that. Seriously.

"You say that so often," He gets in my face, so close we're only inches apart, once again if he wasn't such an arrogant son of a bitch....but he is so never mind, "I wonder what your basis of comparison is?" He saunters away voice dripping of sarcasm.

Oh he wants to know my basis of comparison? I clench my fists, my face turns an dark color of red. THAT IS IT! Sarah Williams is finally pissed off. I can't tell you how many ways I picture murdering him right now and just scurrying into the castle, grabbing Toby and leaving. "I'LL SHOW YOU MY BASIS OF COMPARISON!"

Hoggle screams watching my antics. Jareth didn't see it coming, that cheeky bastard. I jumped him, pummelling him hard to the ground. Yes I know, I'm straddling him - stop being perverts this doesn't end that way. Too stunned to do anything except stare at my maniacal contorted face and listen to my blood curdling screams.

"I HATE YOU! WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP TAKING BABIES AND LEAVE US BABYSITTERS ALONE!?" I slapped him hard across the face. "IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?"

"Sarah -"

"Shut it up Hogworth!" I know thats not his name but at the moment I'm teach Jareth a lesson. Hoggle plops down on his bum watching contently as I continue unleashing my wrath. I turn back toward Jareth who is now covering his precious face, but his hands don't bother me. "Where was I?" Oh now I remembered, he needs to stop taking babies. I hit him again and again.

[One hour later]

"Scream UNCLE!" I panted, yes I'm running out of breath slapping him, but oh well. His face is red and bruised like it should be. I notice as well he doesn't have the strength to fight back. I pull him to his feet as I stand and I pull strands of hair from his head. Yes that will leave a bald spot.

"HOLY FUCK!" He retorts grabbing at the bald spot, "I'm bald!" I notice tears form in his eyes, like I honestly give a shit.

Hoggle is enjoying himself, especially once I kneed his majesty in the groin and he doubled over squealing like a girl. I knew those self defense classes would come in handy.

"Now, your going to give me Toby." I seeth watching him fall to his knees crawling away like a rat. Did he just shake his head in disagreement, how much of a beating can he take? I pull him up once again and shove him. "You are seriously trying my patience goblin king! Just because you sit on a damnable throne does not give you the right to steal people! Especially babies! I should turn you into the police once I head home."

"No...please!" He pleaded backing away, "The goblins took your brother, do you honestly think I wanted that wretched thing in my castle?"

"Whats wrong with my brother? Is he not snobby enough to be deemed worthy to be in a castle?"

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Oh I think you did!"

"No!"

I continue after him, ready for another pummelling. By the way, I don't know where all this is coming from. It's just happening. I guess it's teenage hormones. After all they do rage a lot. "Oh Jareth, what are you so afraid of?" I ask in my best baby voice, taunting him. That's when he conjurs up a crystal, which proceeds to tick me off even more.

"If you dare throw that damnable crystal. I'll rip your jewells off." Though I really don't want to look at his ding-a ling I'd be willing to if he throws that. I notice he is regaining composure, that smirk is right back on his face. Grr.

"If the labyrinth is a piece of cake - let's see how you deal with this little slice." He throws the crystal toward the darker end of the tunnel and slowly starts fading away.

"When I get my hands on you - you David Bowie wanna be!"

"Oh no! The cleaners!"

I hear Hoggle scream and when I turn around he's running the opposite way the supposed cleaners are coming from. Not exactly knowing myself what the 'cleaners' are, I run too. Jareth has only provoked my anger and distracted me from my goal. Which is now tear his head off and rescue Toby. Trust me I will do just that.

"I'll get you Jareth and your little goblins too!" I scream as I hurry down the tunnel, feeling the cleaners gain on me.

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A/N: Mwuahahahaha! I don't know. I just wanted to write that. It seemed like a good idea.


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